The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
