Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Don't make out with my wife yet
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
