I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
