Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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