i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You dont lie about slip and slides
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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