I want to have your abortion
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
