what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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