no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
