you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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