but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
