im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
