we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
