my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
