i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
