idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
