Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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