I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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