he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
