Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
