He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
