I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
