This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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