Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
