He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
