This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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