Please don't use social media to get back at me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
