we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
