When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
