I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
