Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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