Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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