? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
