hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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