she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
