I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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