i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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