who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
