If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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