She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
