Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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