I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
