I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
