You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
