just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
God, I missed his penis.
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