i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
