He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
