1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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