SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
