the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
