I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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