so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
